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07 November 2007 @ 04:54 pm
Fic: A Lovestruck Romeo Sings an Awkward Serenade  
Title: A Lovestruck Romeo Sings an Awkward Serenade
Pairing/Characters: Lassiter/O’Hara, Lassiter/Crazy
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,215
Spoilers: Yes, references to S1 and S2
Summary: Detective Lassiter puts a lot of thought into using someone’s Christian name. A lot. Especially when she’s perky and adorable and his partner, and he may possibly be in love with her.
I love Dire Straits: it’s okay to make fun of me. 
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

"Carlton, do you want me to bring anything back from In ‘n’ Out?”

“I’m fine, O’Hara.”


He thought it to himself a moment or so after Detective O’Hara departed for Chief Vick’s office. Had Detective O’Hara just called him “Carlton?”

It occurred to him, judging by the familiarity and effortlessness (he might even go so far as to call it “breeziness,” if he used words like that) in her voice, that it wasn’t the first time she had done so.

Why hadn’t he noticed the first time? Or even the second or third? He would’ve put a stop to it early on, if he had noticed. At least he assumes he would have. Not that he believed his inattention implied laziness. It’s just that O’Hara was forever talking, and sometimes, it was hard to maintain focus. It was like the auditory equivalent of watching a chipmunk scamper back and forth on the same tree branch.

Not that he thought of his partner as a chipmunk.

The point remained that it had clearly been going on for some time. Therefore, it would be problematic to make it an issue. He would sound officious, wouldn’t he, asking her to call him Detective Lassiter and only Detective Lassiter?

Well, it wasn’t as if he was friends with O’Hara. And he was her superior.

So that settled it. He would tell her that he was more comfortable being addressed by his surname.

Comfortable? Where did that come from? It was an issue of professionalism, not comfort. 

He realized then that he’d been thinking about the entire issue for far too long. He sternly told himself to stop.

He watched Detective O’Hara leave Chief Vick’s office. She saw him watching her (not that he was watching her; he was watching for her…departure…watching for her departure…keeping an eye on the clock, since he was her superior officer).

She waved cheerily. In spite of himself, he smiled.

Maybe they were friends after all. It wouldn’t be out of line. They’d been colleagues for nearly a year and a half. She had tried to plan a surprise birthday party for him. 

He glowered at the memory, and the glowering felt comfortable and reassuring…but only momentarily. Because the fact remained that the birthday party planning was still the act of a friend, which brought the whole complicated personal issue to the forefront again.

And then there was the time she hugged him. Which he didn’t like to think about, because he wished it hadn’t happened.

Perhaps—and he was only trying the thought out, not committing to anything—he should be calling her Juliet. Only on certain personal occasions. Like when they were at Starbucks and he was trying desperately to hurry her through her order. Or when she teased him—those occasions had been rare enough over the year they’d been partnered.

Try it out loud, he thought to himself. Try saying her name out loud (but quietly).

He felt his brow draw together. He said nothing, but not for a lack of mental effort.

If he were Spencer, it would be so much easier. To have no respect for social and professional boundaries must make things easier. More annoying, sure, but easier. Not to mention Spencer’s ridiculous predilection for nicknames. Honestly: Jules? Detective O’Hara carried a sidearm. Who on Earth would call a woman who was so clearly a Juliet Jules?

He felt a wave of panic. Did he just say her name out loud, just now? He didn’t, right? He looked around nervously. McNab, forever hovering, the great big oaf, met his gaze and looked confused (more confused than usual). Lassiter glared at him.

There. That felt better.

Maybe if he wrote it out first. In a nonofficial way on a scrap of paper. Maybe it would help the transition.

He wrote O’Hara’s first name and boldly dotted the I. It wasn’t so bad. He took it as a sign to write it again.

Three and a half minutes later, he looked, in horror, at what he had done. 

Especially the last version of O’Hara’s name, in which her last name was no longer “O’Hara.”

He shredded the paper. He then opened the shredder basket and shredded the shreds. He nearly got out a scissors but thought better of it.

He decided to go out for a walk. Clear his head. Reexamine. 

Repress. Deeply, deeply repress.

As he paced outside, he remembered the first time he ever wanted to call Detective O’Hara by her first name. He very nearly had, but had caught himself in the nick of time.

It was after his disastrous surprise birthday party. On Monday, she sat on the corner of his desk and asked, “Are you still mad?”

“Why would I be mad? I had to file for at least twenty new restraining orders over the weekend. It was the best birthday I ever had.”

“Sorry. Again. Sorry again. And here’s the thing: I’m the one who told your mom about your separation.”

He’d almost said it then. Almost shouted it angrily, as a matter of fact. Something about the way she looked at him contritely and the memory of her uncomfortable statement that she didn’t believe in interoffice romance and the horrible, horrible vision of all those people at his house collided into one near-explosion of “Juliet!”

But he hadn’t said it. Nor had he said her first name it when standing at the end of that decrepit mental institute hallway, his gun drawn, wondering if the screaming was hers or someone else’s. Spencer had yelled it (or his tacky variation thereof). But “O’Hara” was all he, Carlton—Detective Lassiter—could manage.

To say more, he realized, would be admitting something. 

If he were capable of imagining it—and he wasn’t—he would imagine that this is what a criminal felt like when guilty of something and unwilling to bend under intense interrogation.

His cell phone rang.


It was Detective O’Hara.

Unbelievable. He wasn’t sure if he was more angry that life appeared to be taunting him, or that he felt his heart skip a beat. Preposterous. He actually felt the blood flow to his aorta halt.

“Yes, O’Ha…Detective? Detective O’Hara?”

“Are you sure you don’t want a root beer float?”

There it was again: that dangerous combination of anger, frustration, and some kind of ache he wished he didn’t recognize but did—it smelled like lilacs, crinkled its nose in disgust when it thought he wasn’t looking, smiled in a way that made life seem brighter, and offered him root beer floats when, yes, he really could use one.

“Fine. Sure. Whatever. Whatever makes you happy.”

There was an inauspicious silence. Ominous, really. He could see her pensive (yet still sunny) expression.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No. Why?”

“I’m just checking.”

He looked out across the park. Some preadolescent punks were skating. He wished he could kick one, but they were too far away.

Just say it, he said to himself. Just say, “I would prefer it if you would call me Detective Lassiter from now on. Or just Lassiter.”



“Could you…make sure they don’t skimp on the ice cream.”

She said “Okay,” and her tone said, “I am humoring you.” “Anything else?”

“No, Jul…just the…that.”


Damn it.

This isn't anything.: jim/pam ♥anxietygrrl on November 8th, 2007 01:19 am (UTC)
Eeeeee! This is...you are awesome! For true, I bounced in my seat and giggled like a schoolgirl. The voice is perfect. I am a terrible feedbacker, but what I lack in constructive comments I make up for in enthusiasm, so.

YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! And again, eeeeee! *clappy hands*
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter O'Hara Teamworkjesshelga on November 8th, 2007 02:47 am (UTC)
Heh, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And maybe next time I'll be more ambitious and include some Howard Day lyrics.
kopernik: pd jump for joykopernik on November 12th, 2007 11:32 pm (UTC)
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter O'Hara Hugjesshelga on November 12th, 2007 11:37 pm (UTC)
HA! That answers my question of whether or not you had seen the link the first time around.
Uther Pendragon's Loyal Wench: Andy OMGfirthgal on November 28th, 2007 11:52 pm (UTC)
OMG, this was absolutely perfect!!! You totally nailed Lassiter, loved him shredding the paper of her name, then shredding the shreds. Hee. Also, this was brilliant:

There it was again: that dangerous combination of anger, frustration, and some kind of ache he wished he didn’t recognize but did—it smelled like lilacs, crinkled its nose in frustration when it thought he wasn’t looking, smiled in a way that made life seem brighter, and offered him root beer floats when, yes, he really could use one.

That part about the root beer float was just so very Lassiter that it made me want to hug him and give him all the root beer floats in the world. And the part where he almost says her name? GAH!!! Absolutely amazing. I adored this! I think this is the only Lassiter/Juliet fic in existance, and I love you for making it so perfectly perfect.
Jingledunce: Office Andy Oompa Loompa Douche Songjesshelga on November 28th, 2007 11:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the feedback! I thought your handle looked familiar, so I LJStalked your profile: omgkandy!!! Oh, it's so awesome.

Anyway, thanks!
Uther Pendragon's Loyal Wench: kandy girlfirthgal on November 29th, 2007 12:05 am (UTC)
Ha, yes, I am obsessed with the imaginary pairing of Andy/Kelly. They belong together. Definitely soulmates, those two. I've spent way too much time thinking up ways that they can get together. Oh how I wish the Office writers would make my Kandy-coated dreams come true. *sigh*
paperbagdove on November 29th, 2007 12:01 am (UTC)
Aw, so incredibly cute. Bravo! I hope another chapter is coming soooon? *puppy dog eyes*
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter Profilejesshelga on November 29th, 2007 02:29 am (UTC)
Thanks! I don't know about non-Yuletide fic at this point. I really need to get crackin' on that.
(Deleted comment)
Jingledunce: Psych Sternum Bushjesshelga on December 1st, 2007 02:58 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thanks! Caps are always great.

I made a short fanvid, too, in late October: here.

I can't deny that this is the first pairing in a long time that has turned me into a total dork.
i love you, wang chung chung: deadwood - i + h - here in 1969piecesofalice on December 12th, 2007 01:52 am (UTC)

oh noes new OTP
Jingledunce: Psych Juliet Takes the Leadjesshelga on December 12th, 2007 01:54 am (UTC)

You're such a cheater, skipping ahead like this.

I wrote a drabble somewhere under my "fanfic" tag too. I'll try to dig it up tonight.

(I am listening to "Tripping" right now. I *heart* Robbie for writing a song about Charlie and Dani Fighting the Conspiracy.)
i love you, wang chung chung: hairy mclary - i can see you!piecesofalice on December 12th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
Cheater?! I just know a good thing when I see it, baby.

(I'm listening to my mix at work. Everyone thinks it's just a CD, but I'm loving every fandomy moment of it. And your christmas present has just gotten BIGGER, thanks to a mega idea of doom.)
Jingledunce: Life Crews Gives Reese the Lashes Businejesshelga on December 12th, 2007 02:42 am (UTC)
Remember the Deadwood picture essay? Oh, it ain't got NOTHING ON THIS.

Oh. My. Garage. I am going to love this Xmas Deadwood fic SO SO MUCH.
i love you, wang chung chung: deadwood - i + h - here in 1969piecesofalice on December 12th, 2007 02:55 am (UTC)
OH SEAQUEST. You were like the other, other, other white meat of my childhood.

OH TIMMY O. You're like the new Garret Dillahunt of my twenties.

OH YOUR PRESENT. You're time consuming and fun.

OH GARRET D. What's with the two r's and one t? I mean, really, freak. GOD.

*eye dart*
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter Profilejesshelga on December 12th, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC)
Tee hee. It took me a while to realize I was spelling his name wrong, like Alma Garrett, not "ZOMG THAT WHITE SHIRT" Garret.
trogdor...WITH MAJESTY!!!tricki_nicki on January 11th, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC)
This is ADORABLE. Best Juliet/Lassiter fic I've read in a very long time! I know some fellow OTP fans I'm going to have to show this to. :D
Jingledunce: TGS Crush on Every Boyjesshelga on January 12th, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
Thank you. I'm glad you didn't think that the S was for Suck, Trogdor ;-)

(How on Earth did you find this?)
trogdor...WITH MAJESTY!!!tricki_nicki on January 12th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC)
Haha, oh this will definitely prove what a spaz I am. I went to Google, typed in "Lassiter Juliet" and the Lassiter/Juliet LJ community (xD the L/J LJ community, sorry off track...) came up. So I checked it out and found your stories there.

Hooray for spaztastic-ness!
Jingleduncejesshelga on January 12th, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC)
HA! As someone who has Googled that very combo on a NUMBER of occasions, I just think that makes you cool. ;-)
Baconfatthebaconfat on March 31st, 2008 04:03 pm (UTC)
Oh, this was adorable and hilarious!

(Here through tomomichi!)
Jingledunce: Psych Tieless and Cowlickyjesshelga on March 31st, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC)
Thanks much! I'm so glad you liked both stories!
The Little Detective :'Dlil_detective on January 21st, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
uuugh DX so cute, IT HURTS DX
like anxietygrrl im not good at constructive criticism and all i can say really is you captured the characters PERFECTLY.

I demand this to be made into an episode. right now. because i would watch it over and over and over. X'3~
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter Juliet Golden Glowjesshelga on January 22nd, 2009 01:55 am (UTC)
Thank you very much!
The Little Detective :'Dlil_detective on January 22nd, 2009 11:30 pm (UTC)
your welcome~
honda; more than just a car: Psych: Little!Shawn and Gushondagirll on April 2nd, 2009 05:09 pm (UTC)
Okay so I know you wrote this ages ago but I came across it at het_reccers and I love Psych so I just had to check it out. And I loved it! I must admit I don't ship Lassie/Juliet (I'm totally on the Shawn/Juliet side of the wagon) but this works so well in here that I caught myself smiling a few times. You really have Lassiter's voice down and I must admit I love the relationship between him and Juliet (platonic or otherwise). So wonderful job here. This was a pleasure to read. :P
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter O'Hara Hugjesshelga on April 3rd, 2009 01:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
ex_egorstan on May 31st, 2009 10:39 am (UTC)
I just found this through a rec and just wanted to say it was awesome. Best Lassiter voice I've read so far! Perfect even!
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter O'Hara Hugjesshelga on May 31st, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
hirohiro_chan on December 16th, 2009 02:52 pm (UTC)
this. THIS. Ridiculously awesome.

You've got Lassie spot on right to the dot. I can just -see- Lassie doing/thinking/behaving like he does in this fic.

jules/lassie is totally my otp, and i'm still a staunch believer, even if the writers are doing all they can to make it shawn/jules. if the writers know what's best for them (or the show) lassie will get the girl in the end *nods nods*.

anyway :D! there is just never enough lassiet fics in the world! more :D???
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter O'Hara Hugjesshelga on December 17th, 2009 03:55 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for the great feedback!
trascendenzatrascendenza on January 23rd, 2010 06:59 pm (UTC)
Aww, of course Lassiter would put so much thought into it. ♥
Jingledunce: Psych Lassiter O'Hara Hugjesshelga on January 23rd, 2010 10:45 pm (UTC)
I love that you're taking this journey through my old stories! Thank you for all the feedback!